Lost

Or short-sighted

Ah puns, they sure make my day better. And yes I have myopia. *chuckles.
It feels like a rut and I'm getting comfortable in it when I really shouldn't be. I know it'll be incredibly messy to get out of this if I delay it, but I don't feel like putting in the effort, masochistic of me isn't it...
I used to know, I loved knowing but I don't anymore, at least as much as I thought I did. Ignorance is bliss they say, it feels like limbo though. And I'm in this state where I want to get out of it but when the time comes I just don't.
I'm ready to get out now. I'm ready to seek my own inspiration and to inspire myself. I still have a lot to learn from my past and my past self in particular. I seem to be losing the resilience I used to have and I'm not going to letting go of that anytime soon.
It doesn't seem easy but it really isn't easy and what would be the fun if it was? And I guess the only way I'll make it out of this rut is baby steps and a dash of courage.
I've restarted prepping for the SAT. So that's one step down. Many more to come.
Pep talks are sworn by by so many people, I'm thinking of giving them a shot. It's easy to see the negatives instead of the silver lining and though you can't always focus on the silver lining, it shouldn't be completely discounted either.
I see everyone on their path and then there's me... *smiles, I don't know where I want to do. I know the milestones I want to reach but I've understood that those will be reached irrespective of where I choose to go. My only requirement is to not regret any decisions I'll make in my lifetime.
One thing's nice, I'm enjoying solitude, not exactly cherishing it yet but I'm relearning to. It's been a while since I've given myself time to think and honestly, I needed it.
I've got a reading list that I have to push through, I've got a couple things to learn and I've got some self-love due. And these things are my priorities this summer and these two years. It's all about working on me.
I guess being, or rather feeling, lost has its silver lining too and there's no way to go other than forward. Plus I've got time on my side.
See you later I guess... And I'll have taken more baby steps by then.

Luv,
Musk.

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