Here's to something new

The good in goodbye

I just wrote my final final of grade 11 and honestly, it's very different from how I felt after finishing grade 10. I'm glad this year, well academically, has come to an end. I have learnt so much about myself this year, not in the best ways but I've learnt nonetheless. The last six months have been like a mental growth spurt, which probably sounds a little odd but that's exactly how it was... Just a little odd.

You might notice from the date of my last post that I've been on a sort of hiatus for the last six months. I stopped writing and that wasn't fun, to be honest, but writer's block honestly isn't fun. And for the last year I've had terrible writer's block, I just wasn't happy with what I was putting out, it felt like I had lost my voice, which I coincidently did. But back to my metaphorical voice, I really wasn't proud of what I was putting out, academically, cocurricular wise and creatively and I knew I needed to change but for the first time since I can remember, I truly despised the idea of change.

-Robert Nelson (From Unsplash)

I was in a place where I was giving myself the most resistance and it took a lot of searching and questioning for me to give in and change the way I had to. I was finally comfortable... But comfort hinders growth, comfort is stagnating and I began to feel really unhappy, really uncomfortable if you will. And I couldn't do the one thing that made me happy, I couldn't bring myself to write, but surprisingly I wrote during my tests, and I wrote well. The one place I wasn't supposed to be creative and where I was under pressure is where I came up with the few good ideas I came up with throughout all this. The pressure, the discomfort made me push myself and I loved it.

What I hadn't been doing for a long time was pushing myself when that's exactly what I needed but just realising that wasn't enough. It never is. So I started with this incredible technique that everyone's been talking about (everyone being all the "self-help" and lifestyle advisors I listen to), it's this insane thing, 'Baby steps'.

-Luca Bravo (From Unsplash)

I said my first goodbye, and it was to 'not doing anything' and I said hello to baby steps. It started with something I've been wanting to do for a long time: to read more. Since as far as I remember I've started every new year with a resolution to read more but I've never really followed through, it's not that I didn't want to but that I didn't know what interested me. I never realised that I'm not a fiction enthusiast (save some good young adult books here and there), though I appreciate mindless reads on my phone now and then I crave material that I can engage with, something that sparks my curiosity, something that inspires me. So I said hello to my Gmail and decluttered all the junk, saving only the few gems of newsletters that I'd collected over the years.

-Fabian Grohs (From Unsplash)

Reading things I enjoy really changed the way I was dealing with my life. I opened my eyes and bid adieu to being blind and I began to let my mind wander. In one of the articles I read, the author spoke about brainstorming ideas that won't work until you stumble upon one that is brilliant enough to work. I let my ideas grow and slowly they took shape, yes they might not have worked out but they had the opportunity to. This is how I said hello to OrBIS, a school organisation I created to help my second home be a little better for our primary homes, this planet.

-Aaron Burden (From Unsplash)

Another thing I said goodbye to was my unrelenting worry about the distant future and instead, I chose to concentrate more on the things that I have more control over. By early last year, all I had begun to do was constantly think about my future choices. I was always worried about the fact that I wasn't sure what major I'd choose in university and being asked about it by almost everyone I met didn't help relieve any of that pressure the funny thing is that I hadn't even started my junior year. Now I've shifted my focus to learning as much as I can about the things that even slightly pique my curiosity.
I find it odd how one year or even a day has the power to change someone so greatly, and unknowingly. I was speaking to my best friend about my 'new perspective' and she noted how much I've matured over the last six months but I hadn't noticed that change until she pointed it out. But I do feel like I've matured, not a lot but enough to feel different, to feel new. And maybe new is another hello. I have said goodbye to stagnation without knowing when I said hi. It was like one of the newsletters taking over my inbox without me remembering having subscribed to it.
Stagnation was probably one of the biggest hurdles I had to overcome because I enjoyed it for a long time. I didn't feel any sort of pressure to do anything because my most powerful driver, me, had gone silent. I felt stuck and I coped by becoming a master at justifying it. However, stagnation was a period where I was able to see my true self, there were no distractions to shield myself from reality and I learnt what made me happy and what didn't, I learnt about what I needed because I had removed it from my life for so long. I realised my need to explore and attempt more and mainly, I realised the importance of change once again.

-Matthew Sleeper (From Unsplash)

And on that note, another goodbye I'm saying is to blogger. It's the saddest out of all because blogger (or Blogspot) gave me my first platform to be able to put my words out there and I'm truly thankful for it but it's time for me to move. I've been on blogger for a couple of years now and I've never been able to engage and had conversations that I hoped to have, however, I think Medium is a platform where it becomes much easier to find different sorts of people and engage with them which is what I hope to do, plus it's kind of blogger's distant cousin. I will not be deleting this blog, it won't move onto medium because I want that to be a blank canvas though I will be revamping some old gems and be reposting them, Beautiful Contradictions will simply have two homes. This also means that if I begin to feel exceptionally nostalgic I will post on here. But for now, I'll catch you on medium. Goodbye.

Luv,

Musk.