Beautiful Contradictions

Oh yay. I'm stressed again and I know this because my scalp is disgusting again. My hair feels like straw and the flakiness is back. This is no fun because now, on top of everything I have to take care of my scalp psoriasis. Starting tomorrow it's 75 days till these boards finally finish and then it's one year of profile building and enjoying everything I do until the stress of the twelfth grade takes over... And I can only imagine how that will be. With the boards and apps. *Laughs nervously, I'll probably go crazy. The only positive here is that the stress doesn't truly affect my performance... It just affects my health after a terrific "performance". So cheers! I guess... To my stomach trying to kill me and my scalp flaking off in patches. *Sigh, can't wait. Now I've got a very very boring project to finish so ciao! Edit: You know what? I'm not giving into it! So look out for an upcoming post about stress management. Bye now. ...

Necessities Some things in life are necessary. Like work and perseverance. Giving up gets you, literally, nowhere. You have to work for everything. You have to work to not worry, you have to work to not miss people, work to move on, to do well and finally to even be happy. Work:  activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a result. But the thing is, if you do it right then it's all worth it. I've always hated the idea of having regrets and today I don't regret a single thing. I am mindful and make my decisions with awareness so that I don't regret them later on. And the best part is that I'm truly a happier person because of it. I am aware of what's required of me to achieve what I want and I am working. Perhaps not always as hard but it's something and I'm still learning. That's a never ending process so I will never be the "best" but I will always be better, and that gives me a tomorrow to look fo...

Enough. Learn to say you've had enough. Learn to use your voice. We all have a voice. We all have ways to express ourselves. Learn to say enough! Stop taking it. If you don't like it, say "NO". If you don't want it, say "NO". If you're tired of it, say "NO". Stop taking it. It gets tough. I know it gets tough. You know it is tough. But raise your voice because it's not easy but neither is it worth it. Love yourself. Do not cut. Do not stop eating. Do not give up. Love yourself. Have hope. You will learn strength. You will learn happiness. You will learn to trust. You will learn to love. Have hope. Be there for yourself. No one will get to know you if you don't want to know yourself. No one will be able to love you if you don't love yourself. No one will support you if you don't support yourself. Be there for yourself. Ask for help. Ask to learn. Ask for help. Do not be afraid to ask. Do not be afraid to fe...

Funny innit? That's from someplace... I can't seem to remember where. *Exhales, sometimes breathing is the only thing that you can do. And I realize that I may not be making any sense at all. Hope. It messes with your head. I feel like I'll make it, I feel like I can handle the challenge and this is completely different from a couple of days ago when I was drowning in self-doubt. *Shakes head... This is insane. Life and the things it does, they're insane. The way my mind deals with things is insane. Insanity. We live in a realm of insanity. Illusions, tricks and images that cause misery. Wonderland gets dark sometimes; But hope, hope is mine. Wow... That wasn't planned. *Smiles, I wrote poetry! It's been so long. I'm inspiring myself, so I'll keep doing that and you can check out previous posts. Until next bye... Luv, Musk.

Creeping back in It's simple. You get motivated, you trust yourself to do something but then self-doubt creeps in and you don't know what to do anymore. I mostly won't be applying to the YYGS this year. But I am next year, no doubts there. Now back to doubts. Don't look at yourself unless you are 100% sure that you're going to see yourself for what you are. Nothing more, nothing less. Thinking you're greater than what you are brings you down and thinking you're nothing compared to what you truly are doesn't even let you go anywhere. Doubts are like demons. They rip you from within until you just collapse. I guess the only thing you can do is not give up. Have a time-line for yourself. Tell yourself to hold on. Lean on the people who love you. Ask for help because someone will give it to you. You will find someone who loves you, family, friends, a pet, anyone. For me it's 944 days and everyday I feel down I stay up till mid-night to cross a...

Let's make it I tell myself this all the time now... I've started believing it on some level now and turns out I actually can work. I've enrolled in a couple of courses... I realize I've probably done that a million times now but hey, I can only do better right? 😅 I'm positive this can be done and that's a first in a long time. All or Nothing. That's the final resolution I'm settling on. I'm going to give my all even if it means getting nothing in return. Because it's all that's in my hands and it's a gamble, I know. But it's a gamble I'm willing to take. I've downloaded a planner that I have begun to use. I've downloaded Duolingo so the language learning is back. Oh and I'm writing for fifteen minutes everyday meaning more posts. The only thing left now is to actually get out there and start doing more things but for that I need to be 100% sure that I'm truly dedicated to what I do. Despite all the...

How original... Yes I've written on this before, but trust me this is different. Time is fickle Time is funny It's my friend Yet my worst enemy. I'd written that ages ago. On a sleepless night when words just flow. I'm so frustrated today because right now time is my worst enemy. First of all, my energy hasn't loaded in Cases. Next, I'm worried and in pain because worry just happens to intensify every symptom of your sickness. And time just doesn't want to move on. Like it's just going on... The same second is stretching endlessly. You know that time when there's something really important to you and you need to make sacrifices for it and do things that may put you in danger. Yeah, what you don't know is that those things actually worry the people that care about you. Also, yes I'm throwing immense shade right now but I don't particularly care because this is still a universal message. Speaking of shade, I will tell t...

Bittersweet And no I'm not talking about chocolate. Sometimes things in general are bittersweet. It's this odd sort of balance that you could do without, at least you think you could but that just may be wrong. I guess this year's off to a rocky start, but so is life. *Shrugs, it just can't go according to plan but that adds character, you know? Things aren't just unique the way they've been created, the get weathered and molded into what we see around us, experience everyday or are surprised by when we least expect it. You know? Almost 7.5 billion people on this planet and no one is the same. Nature just won't let us be because that's a waste of resources. On earth we don't have replicas because that's just not how life works but w the system is brilliant as it gives you no chance to be the exact same. Life happens and voila! You're different from everyone else. Congratulations! The thing is as long as you accept these bitterswe...

Bring it on! So I saw this meme this morning and it made my day. Funny how the Sound of Music is still relevant. *Shrugs... I found it funny. Now there's this song called Snow by Sleeping At Last and it is beautiful. And there are these two sentences: We'll build new traditions in place of the old 'cause life without revision will silence our souls. Our world gets rewritten and retraced every-time. Like fresh plates and clean slates, our future is white. New Year's resolutions reset tonight. And they did didn't they? So here are a couple of mine... I resolve to step out of the house more and respect my body and mind. I vow to cause less hurt and be stronger. I will do everything wholly and refuse to quit any longer. And lastly, I will share. I will share my strength, I will share other people's pain and most importantly I will share myself. And I think that's it for 2017 hmm? Here's to hoping for a beautiful grey. Cheers! Luv...