Doubts

Creeping back in

It's simple. You get motivated, you trust yourself to do something but then self-doubt creeps in and you don't know what to do anymore. I mostly won't be applying to the YYGS this year. But I am next year, no doubts there.
Now back to doubts. Don't look at yourself unless you are 100% sure that you're going to see yourself for what you are. Nothing more, nothing less. Thinking you're greater than what you are brings you down and thinking you're nothing compared to what you truly are doesn't even let you go anywhere.
Doubts are like demons. They rip you from within until you just collapse. I guess the only thing you can do is not give up. Have a time-line for yourself. Tell yourself to hold on. Lean on the people who love you. Ask for help because someone will give it to you. You will find someone who loves you, family, friends, a pet, anyone.
For me it's 944 days and everyday I feel down I stay up till mid-night to cross a day off and trust me that helps. I lean on my friends, they're my family and I feel like I don't deserve them but they stick and they help me hold on.
2016 taught me to ask for help when I need it. That has got to be the most difficult thing I've ever learnt and but I'm so glad it did. Someone once told me we all deserve help, we're just too scared to ask.
Giving up, letting your demons take over you is not beautiful. Holding on, asking for help, loving... These are beautiful. Hold on to yourself... And I never thought I'd say this but listen to your gut. Try to analyse what your instincts are but follow them because they can lead to beautiful things. Maybe even beautiful contradictions.
Learn to express yourself, learn to push yourself and learn to communicate. If I hadn't learnt these things... If I wasn't learning these skills continually then I wouldn't be here today. Breaking and healing is an on-going process. I asked for help a couple of days ago and that process itself helped me... And none of it would've been possible if not for me.
I'm not saying don't be independent. I'm saying don't be stupid. Learn to help and take help. I'm saying it's OK to love and be loved. I'm saying it's OK to take support and I'm saying your people help you take care of yourself.
Don't doubt your worth for even for one second. Don't let your doubts keep you from living. Don't let your doubts lose who you are.
And that's it for right now. Stop doubts,

Luv,
Musk.

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